You Know You’re in America If…

Daniel Lewis

Driving in the US

“Blue Collar” comedian Jeff Foxworthy made his name with the schtick , “You know you’re a redneck…” Carrying on in the same theme, we present… You know you’re in America if…:

  1. Two cars get into an accident and the drivers leave their cars exactly where the crash occurred. They then step out to discuss the accident, creating a traffic nightmare while they discuss the merits of their driving skills and how they didn’t cause the accident
  2. Driving on the left and passing on the right is the norm – we’ve pointed out this painful and excruciating phenomenon in past posts
  3. Everyone slows down for warning lights, even when such action is not warranted
  4. Using your turn signal is completely optional
  5. The car behind you has his highbeams on for no reason
  6. The car in front signals left, yet turns right – or vice versa as the case may be
  7. You see that car by the side of the road, getting a tank of gas from a tow truck – yes, when the fuel gauge lights up it is a wise idea to find a gas station and fill up
  8. You see that jackass driving in darkness without turning on any of his lights
  9. You see a “baby on board” placard in the rear window – what this is supposed to accomplish is anybody’s guess
  10. The biggest heap of junk is being driven as if it’s a Ferrari FXX

Fortunately, the rest of the world isn’t as stupid, oblivious or clueless as we are.

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Shoot to Kill!


How many of you have seen what’s depicted above? A mindless, careless driver completely distracted by “multitasking” while driving a car? Obviously, it’s not just about putting on make up or holding a cell phone while driving. I’ve seen people read books and newspapers, text messaging, reading emails, eat and even put on mascara while using the mirror in the flip down visor!

State governments have been on a frenzy lately, making text messaging and using a mobile phone (while holding the handset) illegal and subject to getting pulled over and fined. Sure, that’s a start but here in California, at least, it’s been a weak effort at best. I’ve been almost run off the road by more than a handful of stupid drivers who can’t bother to look over their shoulders before changing lanes. Several of them had the audacity to flip me off because I used the horn the remind them that they almost ran me off the road. And it’s not limited to any single vehicle type or demographic either. You’re just as likely to see the same stupid and illegal behavior from drivers of old POS clunkers to, get this, drivers of a Lamborghini Gallardo and a Maserati Gran Turismo. I understand if you drive a POS, you might not have the funds to buy a Bluetooth headset, but a Lambo? A Maserati? YOU have absolutely NO EXCUSE for not having a hands free system in your car. Both cars have built-in hands-free systems if I am not mistaken. Or perhaps you aren’t smart enough to figure out how to connect your phone to your car??!!

In California, the fine for the first mobile phone offense is $25. Of course, this fine gets raised to a little under $100 by the time the courts tack on all sorts of fees, but it isn’t enough. They seriously need to raise the fine to, say, $500 for the first offense, $1,000 for the second, and so on. Until the authorities gets serious about cracking down and imposing stiff penalties on these idiots, the same jackass behavior will continue.

Rather than raising car registration fees as they have done in California, punishing all residents, why not truly punish the worthy instead?

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